Why are breakups so Painful?
There is just no denying the fact that a breakup is one of the most devastating experiences that a person could ever go through in life.
You see, there is that one person in your life whom you truly love, whom you care a lot. And all of a sudden, the same person becomes a stranger. When you were with your partner, it felt like she’s the perfect one. She’s your second half whom you’ve been searching for years. But break-up happens and the same person acts, behaves and treats you in a different way that you’d never expected it to be. Isn’t it painful? It really is.
You feel empty inside! Moreover the attitude and behavior of another person makes you feel even pathetic. It feels like someone has taken your heart out, burnt it and placed it inside your body again. You feel desperate, you feel clueless and you tend of forget that person will all your heart. But forgetting him/her is like the end of the world. Going through a lot of heart-ache is un-doubtedly obvious. You involve yourself in activities which you would never do otherwise.
Whenever you go through a breakup, you always feel a sense of pain, with the feelings of disappointment and self-loathing as you grieve your loss. You will go through a lot of emotional fluctuation. At times, you become hopeless about life, career and everything else.
Nothing seems important and the sense of loss makes you feel everything else unimportant and that was the only thing you cherished for lifetime. Even though, that’s not true when you think with rational mind, you can’t help yourself being clingy and needy as well.
You keep calling that person, you keep messaging them, until the day you get blocked from her social media and all other means of communication. I have seen people emailing their exes when there’re no any other mediums of communication left untried. A fainted hope of getting their exes back and the email goes in vain too.
Breakup; A moment of DESPAIR and total HELPLESSNESS!!!
Even though it might seem to be trying hard to retain the relationship, it’s not going to work that way. This desperation and clinginess is actually doing us more harm than good. Nobody likes a NEEDY person. According to the studies, there is 60 percent chance that NEEDINESS will destroy your relationships. Neediness destroys attractiveness which you’re interested in the first place. And in a relationship where is the no attractiveness, there is no coming back. Isn’t it?
Did you know?
Most people experience at least 3 significant breakup by the age of 30 with at least one decreasing their quality of life for weeks or months.
That’s why the first and foremost thing to do while undergoing breakup is to avoid being needy and desperate. It will most likely ruin the chances of getting back with your ex.
A friend of mine shares his story of breakup. He says; “Yes, like many people I’ve gone through break ups. Once it was very harsh. Love is all habit and we get deeply habituated with that person. When that person is no more, you tend to look after that person. You miss their presence. It’s a drug called love that you’re addicted to. And it’s habit really hard to get rid of. After a while you will get used to your regular life and then realize, it was just a habit which you’ve now moved on. But time and again, you miss that old habit of yours but deep inside you feel good about it.”
Breakup creates emotional wounds and if you are in a constant contact with your ex, you will never give yourself a time you need to heal. That’s why, don’t fucking believe, when your ex says that, we will still be a friend. We will help each other come through this pain. It is not going to help, it gives you more pain instead.
Hope is very dangerous things, if you still hope that your ex will come back, then it’s more painful to eliminate your ex from your life. Don’t let false hope destroy you emotionally. Always remember, those memories are going to hunt you but make yourself stronger to win those feelings and bounce back.
Studies have shown that high level of social support are related to lower the levels of pain. If you are feeling broken hearted, surround yourself with friends and family whom you truly trust and can rely upon. And guys if there is someone you know who is suffering emotionally be there for social support. True and genuine support can help someone come out of the pain and heal themselves.
I know break-ups are always so painful. It’s difficult to handle. If you are not aware of how the thought process works in post breakup situation, your condition will become even worse. I hope this article will help you to handle
breakupin morematured way.
Here let me give you 12 ways to handle break-ups. These facts are based on some experiences and more research.
12 ways to overcome a breakup
1. Engage yourself in habits that you are truly passionate about.
Engaging yourself in creative and productive activities is always helpful specially during the time when you’re having low self-esteem when someone rejects you. That why doing something you love will give you a sense of accomplishment which is helpful while going through post-break-up.
Travelling is always fun. When you travel, it opens up a new perspective in life. It helps you to realize how smaller your problems are. Travel helps to detach yourself from problems and connect with nature and beautiful things surrounding us.
Further Reading: Solo Trek to Tsho Rolpa Lake- 2017!
3. Surround yourself with people with whom you can have a heart to heart conversation
It’s difficult to be yourself and express your feelings in the world where
4. Avoid Indulging in addictive behaviors
Without a doubt, people after breaking up have the tendency to indulge themselves in addictive behaviors such as alcoholism, smoking and in some cases, drugs abuse as well. Primarily s/he wants to numb the feeling of emptiness and try to become social, jolly and cheerful with these activities. But they are severely affecting the physical, mental and emotional wellbeing of a person. In the longer run, it can cause anxiety and depression as well.
So, my humble request to everyone would be “don’t be fooled by the fallacy of getting over breakups through drinking and other any addictive behaviors”. It doesn’t work that way. Rather you’d be dependent and addictive after a certain time of consumption.
Further reading: My story of quitting Cigarettes!
5. Don’t suppress your emotions. Let it flow!
In a study published in evolutionary behavior science, researchers found that women experience more emotional pain following a break-up but they will fully recover. On the other hand, men experience less initial pain but will carry that pain forever and never fully recovering from their emotional kick.
According to the finding above, what we can conclude is men are more likely to suppress the pain which they’ve underwent through breakup and they’ve tendency to experience the pain for a longer period of time as compared to women.
Regardless of whoever (male or female) it is, let the emotions (sadness, anger. Emptiness, revenge, disgust, shame, envy) pass away. Emotions are temporary and they should be allowed to move on in their own pace. At the same time, it is okay to have negative emotions and we should learn to accept those emotions.
6. Avoid Social Media for sometime
Social media gives a sense of illusion of how pathetic your life is. You see a beautiful portrait of a couple hugging each other and big smiles complimented by a romantic caption. And you start comparing with yourself and regard your life to be a miserable one. Furthermore, you’re just going through breakup phase. What else do you need now? It’s the worst feeling right?
You’re compulsively using social media for hours even though you don’t want to. So, it’s best you avoid them for some time. It’s best if you deactivate them. If not, delete the apps from your phone. Use messages and phone calls for communication. Trust me, your misery would be lessened by more than 50%. Try it for a day and you’ll notice the benefits. 😊
Further reading: 30-Day No Social Media Challenge
7. Don’t blame yourself nor your ex for breaking up!
Blame game is not going to build the broken relationships. Instead, it fuels your ego and doesn’t let you reflect on your mistakes. So it is very important not to engage yourself in blame game. You need blame yourself nor the ex for breaking up in the relationship. Gone is gone, right? Whoever’s fault it was, blaming is not going to resolve it. Rather, it’s great if you focus on the mistakes you committed and vow not to repeat it again.
8. Don’t abruptly post on social media. Instead, write a diary.
There’s no point aimlessly posting on social media about your broken relationship. It’s not going to benefit anyone of you. Such activities are going to decrease your creditability in public.
On the brighter side, writing about your feelings and emotions will surely help overcome it. Even though it might be hard, writing a journal or a diary would be one of the best things to do to overcome breakup. Because it helps someone critically reflect on the shortcomings and come up with the ways to move on.
9. Always remember, when one door closes many other doors open
Losing one person is not end of the world. There are many other options which you might have not noticed while you were with that person. But don’t rush into relations without being mentally ready. You are vulnerable at this point of time. It is suggested that you shouldn’t jump into another relationship for at least 3 months of breaking up. Explore more and do not get settled with something less than you deserve.
On a positive note, a study by American Psychological Association found after the post-breakup, many people feel they have achieved personal growth and new perspective on themselves.
10. Get away from the things that remind you of your ex
It is important to get away the memories that remind you of your ex. Things like photos on social media, gifts are some of them. Getting away doesn’t necessarily mean throwing away or gifting them to someone else. Maybe some of them are valuables which you don’t want to get away but surely don’t want to see it too. In such cases, you can create a “breakup box” in which you can store things there but won’t be visible in the daily lives. After all, is the breakup going to matter you in few years from now? Most probably the answer is No. It’s going to be a learning curve and a lesson for us to be mentally strong and resilient.
Meditation is always helpful to know yourself better. Practice mindfulness, listen to your thought process. Practice healing hypnosis. It will help.
The best way to get over breakup according to science is by looking critically at yourself and the break-up experiences. Meditation can be the best experience to critically reflect upon yourself and the break-up from observer’s viewpoint. Try it out 😊
Further reading: Good habits to follow and bad habits to avoid!
12. Start Loving Yourself.
Remember, once you love yourself, you start attracting other people. That’s why be selfish, grow yourself, develop good habits, remain healthy.
And yes, even though they can be incredibly painful, breakups can also be used as a tool for building one’s self up again. It might sound cliché but the breakups are inevitable and out of your control. So there’s no any option other than passing through it. You can use this as an opportunity to take a look at yourself and reflect upon who you are as a person and who you need to become. This way, it’s going to help you become better version of yourself and not think of the tragedy you went through.
Further reading: 30-Day No Sugar Challenge
In the end, Life is all about navigating the way you want it to go. Isn’t it? Why not direct it towards the higher self?
Wishing you all the best to you and more power to deal with the pain you’re going through. I wish to hear about overcoming soon! Thank you 😊